


Love And Real People

by Titanb00ty



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M, Modern AU, Nerdy Talk, bagginshield, domestic AU, nerds, role play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3267044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Titanb00ty/pseuds/Titanb00ty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>fyi: there is some <strike>dirty</strike> nerdy talk</p>
    </blockquote>





	Love And Real People

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bimmykimmy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimmykimmy/gifts).



> fyi: there is some  ~~dirty~~  nerdy talk

A gallant wind sweeps across the battlefield, rousing and lifting a discarded cape to flit across the pale and damp ground where victims of the pursuit of corruption and power lie. A serene scene it is, if not for the death and decay that linger in the air. Broken weapons and shattered dreams litter the clearing along with the flailed and bloated bodies. Not a body stirs, nor a single living breath taken. 

None but one. 

One breath of victory inhaled through the nose of a King Under the Mountain. He surveys the land over which he now rules. Under, and over, and inside the mountain, he is now King of it all, due to his recent and vicious slaughter. Men, Elves, Dwarves, and Orcs as far as his eyes can see. But no Hobbit among them. 

His breath of victory is held as he searches, eyes roaming over the landscape, for the most precious treasure he has has ever known.  
He had ordered Bilbo to stay safely hidden behind the gates of their strongest fortress, Thorin's birthright, Erebor. But his Hobbit was never one to be swayed by the words of others, even a King's.

"Bilbo!" 

His voice meets icy air that dulls the sound meant to reach the Hobbit's receptive ears. It bounces back to his own, undelivered. 

Cupping his hands around his bearded lips he licks them before shouting again.  
A subtle rasp from an unchecked grove reaches him, and he's there in a heartbeat. He doesn't stop when Bilbo's form comes into view, limp and ragged against the trunk of a large oak tree.  
Thorin drops to the Hobbit's side and his knees sink in to a layer of leaves and twigs over thick, oozing mud. He doesn't care. 

His treasure is propped up by one leg bent underneath him, a sword in his side.  
Thorin grasps at the hilt immediately and pulls the weapon out of the tree, away from Bilbo's flesh. The Hobbit slides into the dwarf's steady arms. 

Bilbo's rasping breath is weakening. There seems to be no strength left in him, even to lift his head. His neck is bent backwards at an awkward angle as his head dangles but a few inches from the cold earth that will soon be his resting place. 

Thorin's fingers smooth over the Hobbit's curly locks as he lifts his head up to meet his own. 

"Bilbo open your eyes. Bilbo, please! I take it all back, I swear! You are not worth the kingdom! Please, please, don't leave me here. This barren land will be devoid of life and color if you're gone! Bilbo! BILBO!"

He strokes the Hobbit's pale cheek and pulls his own forehead away to gaze upon his beloved.  
Dirt sticks to the cold sweat that's plastered the hair framing his face. The dwarf wipes Bilbo's face clean but the pallid skin beneath only hastens the beating of his heart and deepens the ache in his chest. 

"Th-Thor," Bilbo breathes out in a whisper.

"Shhh no don't speak, my love." Thorin strokes the Hobbit's mud-crusted curls and weeps.

"I swear on my father's name I will avenge you! I will not rest, nor meet you in paradise until I have found the orc who did this and his head is rent asunder from his body by my blade!"

A raspy cough reaches Thorin's ears and his speech, cut short. Through grinding breath the dwarf could discern two words.

"I love- I love- I lo-"

"I know. I know! Bilbo, I love you too." Thorin curls into Bilbo's weak body and buries his crying eyes in the crook of the Hobbit's cold neck. He could hear nothing but the wind in the leaves and a far away cry. There was no warmth left in the body holding the soul of his greatest treasure. He could feel no pulse, only more pain than any weapon could ever give him.  
He pulls away to put a kiss on Bilbo's forehead before staring through tears into his unblinking, dead eyes. A choked sob escapes his lips before he could stifle it. Opening his mouth again, silence preceded a soft rumble of lyrics in an ancient language. 

I'm not gonna stop, that's who I am. I'll give it all I got, that is my plan. Will I find what lost? You know you can BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT BET ON IT (Bet on me)

Thorin's eyes roll back in his head as he ventures within the confines of his cloak to unmask the disturbance. Vibrating in his hand is a small device, which also happens to be glowing, it displays the words "Mom Calling".

Groaning and cursing he presses the green flashing light with his thumb and looks up.

"You! Sit the fuck down!" He berates a fallen comrade who seems to be rising from his early grave. The dwarf sits but rests his chin in his hand, his eyes daring Thorin to command him further.

“Honey? Are you there... helloooo??”

"MOTHER! I was right in the middle of my lament! ARGH! You just ruined the best speech I have ever given! Does this mean nothing to you!?"

“My apologies Mr. Oakenshield. Will you ever forgive my impertinence??”

"I don't have time for your sarcasm," Thorin brings his hand up to his head to rub his temples, seething with each breath, "this was the single most important battle of my life, what if you had called ten minutes earlier?! The fate of the kingdom is at hand!"

“You're right. I should've called earlier, because now you're definitely going to be late for work.”

Before the dwarf could respond he hears a small peep beneath him and struggles against the straining body beneath him.

"Oh no no no you're not going anywhere. Stay dead this isn't finished!"

Thorin holds his cell phone in one hand and Bilbo's arm in the other. Pressing himself further to the ground, he pins a squirming Bilbo between himself and the trunk of the tree. 

"Thorin! Get off me!"

"No! I'm finishing my song and then I'm discussing the boundaries of the land with King Thranduil! You're... Not.... Lea....ving!"

Thorin could hear his mother laughing through the phone, and struggled to press the red end button on the screen while holding Bilbo down. 

"You're not making me late for work AGAIN!" Bilbo screeches in his ear, though it did little to end the flailing arms and skidding feet against loose dirt and leaves. "THORIN! If we had a doghouse, you'd be in it!"

A shrill, wailing laughter reverberates the speakers and causes both of the men to stop and cover their ears. Thorin drops his phone, kicking it away and ending the call in the process. Breathing heavily, Thorin relaxes against Bilbo, still refusing to let him up. His body weight crushing the smaller man beneath him. 

"Thorin?" Bilbo huffs, raising his head.

Regaining composure immediately, Thorin lifts himself slightly from the ground, still boxing Bilbo in with his arms and legs. 

"What is it, my love?" He stares into Bilbo's eyes and raises one arm to stroke his face.

"Ugh, we don't have time for this." Bilbo groans. 

Thorin was conjuring up a response when suddenly, Bilbo grabs him by the collar, pulling him down, and kisses him. 

Thorin was released in a daze, giving Bilbo the perfect opportunity to escape. Using the gap between the dwarf's lifted arm, he scoots under and pulles himself out from beneath Thorin.  
"Thorin, come on we're going to be late!" The hobbit shoutes over his shoulder as he runs for the base 100 yards to the south.

He passes body after body, fallen over one another as he sprintes to the Dale, and his hidden luggage. 

He could hear Thorin panting and huffing behind him.

"Great news everyone! My healing talents have saved Bilbo from most certain death! The ancient healing words of my people have succeeded in bringing him back to me! All gather and celebrate our victory!"

The dead begin to rise slowly, making way for Bilbo and their king, cheering their victory.  
When Bilbo reaches the row of benches that act as their fortress, he skids to a halt, grabbing his backpack which was hidden beneath an Elven blanket. 

"Our horses! Bring them at once!" Thorin commands between breaths. 

Two bikes were thrust in front of them and Bilbo immediately mounts his, pedaling away.

Thorin turns to the gathering inhabitants of his kingdom and heaves a few breaths before exclaiming- 

"Bless all who have fallen this day in the name of the kingdom! Bilbo and I will be off now to set in motion the establishment of our reign. Please prepare for the great celebration tonight when we return! Fare well for now!"

Receiving bows and salutes from his subjects, he grabs his backpack, mounts his bike, and rides off in the direction Bilbo had taken. The pumping blood in his veins the wind blasting against his face distracting him from the wrath of Bilbo he would face, if he was late for work again. 

He had to make it, he just had to. 

\--

Unfortunately, he didn't. 

"That's two warnings. Next time you're late, don't bother showing up."

The words ring in his head, but they're not as loud as the ringing in his ears that is Bilbo giving him a stern scolding. 

His head is hung low, but his hands are busy. 

Restocking merchandise at Gandalf's Games wasn't exactly his plan when he left college with a double major in Math and Physics, but neither was meeting someone like Bilbo.

He couldn't rule out his fate entirely. 

"Honestly. You're lucky we're friends with the owner, otherwise I'd be more than angry right now." Bilbo whispers harshly through the barricade of games between them. "And notice how I said WE. Because I had to beg him to keep you."

Thorin lowers his head completely and blindly shelves the new releases. 

"Hey! Do it properly! Have you not been listening to me trying to save your job this whole time?! Cuz I am not going in to face that dragon again!" Bilbo's whisper is getting louder and some of the customer's heads pop up, curious about the source of the disturbance. 

"Ugh. I'm taking a break." Bilbo states, and Thorin lifts his head, but Bilbo's glare keeps him in his place.

"You keep working." He emphasizes with a pointed finger. "See you soon." This statement is accent with a light pat to Thorin's bottom. 

Bilbo ignores the yelp and walks through the door labeled 'Employees Only'. 

"No flirting on the job!" Squeaks a cracked voice. 

"Yeah, yeah." Bilbo waves him off but doesn't turn around, disappearing into the break room seconds later. 

Thorin returns to shelving and tries to ignore his sixteen year old nephew slinking up to him. 

"What is it Kili?" Thorin practically growls.

"Trouble in paradise?" The teen sneers. "I would've thought you'd have Bilbo eating out of your hand after today's performance."

Thorin shoots him a glare and Kili snickers.

"Watch it. I'm still your King. Not to mention the ten years i've got on you. "

"You really want to be throwing your age around when you work in a game store and still live at home with your mommy? Eru, it's practically pathetic. A twenty-six year old liv-" 

Kili mumbles beneath Thorin's thick palm and taps out. 

"Alright, alright, I get it." Kili backs away. "I'll see you tonight at the celebration."

Kili saunters over to a group of girls entering the store and Thorin laughs through his nose. 

Looking up at the clock above the entrance he sighs relief at the near arrival of the end of his shift. Lining up the last of the cases, he unhinges his name tag and tosses it in his backpack behind the counter. 

Bilbo will be waiting for him in the break room, and he's not sure whether to be hopeful or cautious. Pushing his way in, he sees Bilbo resting his head in his arms on the farthest table. Sneaking up on his toes he waits for the precise moment to pounce. 

"Don't even think about it." A muffled voice drifts from the resting body. 

Thorin's shoulders slump and he plops down next to his boyfriend, resting his forehead on the table. He feels Bilbo's warmth advancing and smirks to the darkness.

"Are you still mad at me?" He whispers.

"I'm not mad." Bilbo sighs and rests his head on Thorin's shoulder. "I just want you to take this seriously. To take us seriously."

Thorin shifts and Bilbo lifts his head from his shoulder. Their eyes meet. 

Bilbo fidgets and continues, "This isn't just a job. This is our means of getting our own place. And... I really want that. Do you want that?" His eyes are searching, pleading. 

Thorin swivels to face Bilbo and rests his hand on the smaller man's thigh. "Of course I do. Do you know how pathetic I feel living in my mom's den, paying rent?"

Thorin brushes Bilbo's smirk with his thumb. "And I want it to be you. It's not just moving out, it's moving in with you."

Bilbo lowers his head to hide his smile, but Thorin's hand remains. "When you first asked me for a job application, I thought you were crazy. You were willingly talking on our dragon of a manager, which I would only do out of necessity." 

Thorin looks up in recollection. "Introducing you to LARPing was one the scariest things I have ever done. I thought you were going to treat me like some sort of freak, but you didn't." Their eyes meet as Thorin's sentence tapers off.

"I never would've imagined a twenty three year old college kid would walk into this lame ass game store and change my life."

"Seeing you on the battlefield, trying your best to fit into my world, it really opened my eyes. I really love you." Thorin lowers his forehead to touch Bilbo's and they smile. "I think I always have."

"Hmph." Bilbo closes his eyes and sighs. "Fine. You win, you win. Just remember that when you're about to be late for work. You want to take me home don't you?" His eyes gleam with jest and Thorin stutters.

"I-I uhh." He sits upright and coughs just as Kili bursts through the door. 

"Ugh. Get a room, Uncle."

"That's the plan!" Bilbo exclaims as he jumps up from his seat, dragging Thorin up with him. He scoops up both of their backpacks from the floor and rushes out the door before either of the two relatives can say anything. Thorin is still sputtering. 

"Your valiant steed." Bilbo directs, pushing Thorin towards his bike on the rack.  
Thorin dons his pack and climbs upon his horse. "Come on. Let's go home." He suggests with a grin.

They pedal towards the main street, riding on towards Erebor.

"I can't wait until we can say that for real." Bilbo answers, and Thorin completely understands.

\--

The door slams behind them both and Thorin ignores his mother's retort. Grabbing Bilbo's hand and practically dragging him inside, they speed down the hallway and into the den, which has been converted into Thorin's living quarters. Thorin slams the door again and locks it as the thudding of footsteps grows closer. Thorin flinches when his mother pounds on the door, but he knows she'll stop shouting soon enough. He flops down on the pullout couch which serves as his bed. 

Bilbo has already pulled his text books out onto the desk. He wastes no time sitting down to study, paying no mind the interaction between mother and son. The pounding eventually stops, but he finds he much prefers it to the silence that is Thorin brooding in the corner. He can practically feel the waves of self-pity emanating the body stretched across the old couch. 

"You're too loud." Bilbo mutters as he chews on the end of his pen.

"I didn't say anything." A low grumble accompanied by the groaning of springs comes as a response when Thorin turns over.

"I can hear your brooding from all the way over here." Bilbo looks up to find puppy dog eyes staring him down. "I have a big test in two days." He replies quickly and swivels around in his chair.

More silence.

"No, Thorin!"

"I didn't say anything." Bilbo can hear the smile through his boyfriend's words, and groans.  
Lifting himself from his seat and trudging over to the couch, he drops down on top of Thorin with an "oof". He feels arms wrap around his shoulders and sighs.

"See. Was that so hard?" Thorin strokes Bilbo's hair back from his face, and he relaxes into the touch.

Bilbo simply hums in response.

"You don't have to call me Thorin off the battle field you know?"

Bilbo struggles against Thorin's embrace and props himself up on his forearms when he is released. "Yeah, but I know you like it," His finger traces the lines of Thorin's face, and halts when it reaches his lips, "And it gets you all riled up." He teases with a smile. The effects are immediate. 

Thorin's wide eyes blink in succession with the colour spreading across his cheeks.  
Bilbo decides to push him further and mouths the beating pulse in Thorin's neck.

"You did well on the battlefield today, My Lord." He whispers, as his lips ghost over the soft skin trailing up to Thorin's ear. 

Thorin's gulp is audible. Bilbo lets out a soft laugh and trails his fingers through Thorin's hair. 

"Once we build our grand palace, I might even let you bring your mighty Orcrist down upon me." Bilbo's words are dripping with lust, and he smiles when he feels Thorin's hands tighten around his hips. 

"I'll take it. Blow. By blow. By blow." He stares Thorin down as his hands press against the body beneath him, reaching lower and lower. 

"Oh, Eru." Thorin barely makes out in a shudder before he pulls Bilbo down into a rough kiss. The recipient eagerly responds, his heart pumping with adrenaline. 

Bilbo grunts as he's suddenly looking up at Thorin with his back pressing into the soft cushions. Before Thorin can join their lips once more, Bilbo clenches his fist in his lover's hair and yanks his head back, exposing his neck. Thorin moans in pain and pleasure and Bilbo covers his mouth with his sweaty palm.

"Ah ah ah." Bilbo brings Thorin's head down so their eyes meet. "You may be the King under the mountain, but I'm the King here." He brings their faces so close their lips almost touch, but they don't. "You would do well to remember that." Bilbo releases his grip on Thorin and sinks further into the couch. 

Thorin brings himself up and hovers over Bilbo, boxing him in like he had earlier that day at the park. They smile, and Thorin huffs through his nose.

"Then what shall we do, My Liege? Perhaps Sting would like to make an appearance." He's lowering himself onto his forearms now, closing in on his prey. "Though... it is more of a dagger than a sword."

Closing his eyes and lowering his lips' to Bilbo's, he is surprised to feel the press of something firm against his face. He opens his eyes and they adjust until a book forms where Bilbo's head should be. He lifts himself up and away from the offending object as Bilbo's face reappears. His pout is adorable and Thorin almost breaks character, though isn't sure either of them are pretending at this point. 

"Oh?" Bilbo's eyes dart away from Thorin's gaze, "As I recall, Sting had you practically glowing last time."

His eyes return to Thorin's, filled with a new vengeance. His face is so full of determination that Thorin can't help but let a chuckle past his lips. He tries to cover it, but another string of snorting noises escapes before he can. He loses it when Bilbo's pout deepens and he crosses his arms across his chest. His head falls to Bilbo's chest and his own rumbles with laughter. His face is soon vibrating with the movement of Bilbo's torso beneath him as they laugh together. 

Thorin rolls over on the thin couch and Bilbo moves to make room for him. They face each other as their laughter wanes off into intermittent snickers. Thorin kisses him sweetly in between each one and they press their bodies closer together. 

"You boys alright in there?" A loud knock shatters the mood and Bilbo yelps as he teeters on the edge of the couch and lands with a thud on the floor. 

Thorin startles and sits up, blurting out the first thing that comes to his mind. Which of course, is the quadratic formula.

"A X SQUARED PLUS B X PLUS C!"

"Yeah," his mother continues, "That's what I thought."

They hear her shuffling down the hall as she tells them dinner will be ready soon.

"Let me know if there will be any unexpected guests. Like my first grandchild perhaps!" She cackles all the way down the hall and both boys groan. 

Bilbo looks up at Thorin from his place on the floor.

"You're picking up extra shifts at work."

Thorin doesn't argue. He only nods as Bilbo lifts himself from the carpet and makes his way to the desk to study for the rest of the evening. 

\--

Thorin's eyes glide over his newly acquired land, rich with resources. Tall trees for building and deep lakes full of fish. All the forest beyond belongs to him, and Bilbo of course, who is coming up to stand beside him on the picnic table. Years of toil and war have led to this point, and Thorin has never been more proud. His subjects bustle beneath them, preparing for the dawn of a new kingdom of peace and prosperity. He looks at Bilbo, shining in the afternoon sun, and smiles. 

I couldn't be happier. 

He thinks he reads something of the same sentiment in Bilbo's eyes; their fingers intertwine. 

"Uncle!"

A young dwarf is running across the battlement, his face is heavy with worry.

"What is it, Kili?"

"Assassins! From the West!" Thorin's eyes follow the pointing of his nephew's finger to an outcropping towards Mordor. 

A small group nimbly hops from rock to rock, daggers and bows in hand. A stick floats by his head and falls to the ground beside him. 

"Take cover!" He shouts, and drags Bilbo down. 

"Kili! Take down the archers!" Thorin commands, and Kili obeys.

Three of the enemy drop as Kili's arrows find their mark. 

Thorin crouches down on the table next to his Hobbit. 

"Bilbo, listen. You must hide. There's no-"

"No!" Bilbo exclaims. "I'm not leaving you! We fight together!" 

Thorin smiles at him and cups his beloved's face. They kiss and Bilbo nods. Rising from their fort, they let out a fierce battle cry, raiding their weapons high. The sun sets behind the enemy, and their eyes glow with fierce determination.

Rushing toward the enemy with no hesitation, they fight for each other, and the new kingdom they will live to rule over for many days to come.


End file.
